I suppose that wasn't completely true

I suppose I have bought some new things this summer. And I know I can still put together an outfit when I set my mind to it.

Kater recently wrote a nice post about "saving outfits" and I think that is exactly what I do. I don't want to "debut" an outfit without feeling like there's a purpose, sure I dress for myself first and foremost but it's nice to think that someone will see what I'm wearing and appreciate it as well, and lately there just haven't been too many such occasions for me. I go from gym clothes to my funny work uniform and it often seems a waste of clothing (especially with how lazy I am when it comes to doing laundry...) to put something different on in between.

I suppose I felt the need to pull this particular outfit out again to photograph because I have tried to "debut" it twice in the last week and failed. The first time I was on my way out to dinner (all you can eat mussels at The Flea Market Cafe... not sure I can remember that last time I was that full, good grief!) with a friend and dropped my mascara brush down the front of my outfit while I was getting ready. Smooth. Luckily I was able to save the skirt completely, and after much labor the stain on the shirt is just barely noticeable any more, but obviously I had to change clothes for that evening. The second time I was supposed to meet a friend at a bar and just as I arrived she told me she had suddenly gotten sick -- food poisoning or an allergic reaction perhaps! -- and couldn't come. I puttered around a bit and did end up running into someone else I knew, but all in all only stayed out about an hour, not long enough to feel that I really did the outfit justice.

Anyway, for my own personal records if nothing else, here it is. These were also supposed to be the first outfit pictures taken with my DSLR but the darn thing was out of power (I must have left it on or something? ... I plan on sharing the scenic pictures I took last time I used it soon) and I wasn't about to file these clothes away yet again, so out came the point and shoot. (Ironically I'm not sure where my point and shoot's charger is and it's almost out of batteries too!).

And of course the sun came out all bright and shiny as soon as I was done with my little outfit shoot.





Wind always poses a bit of a challenge on the roof.




{vintage skirt, h&m shirt and glasses, urban renewal belt, BC sandals,
vintage watch, Essie nail polish in body language}

The skirt was a lovely vintage find from my semester in London (only £10!) but was previously about a foot and a half longer than this. I didn't have a sewing machine abroad so I filed shortening the skirt away as a summer project... and then took over three months to get around to it. I'm glad I finally did.

The shirt was an H&M purchase from early this summer and is something I have been living in. It works great with jean shorts and sandals for my lazy, non outfit creating self. The sunglasses were purchased at H&M around the same time.

The shoes too are new this summer (though also from a while ago) from shoegasm, one of my favorite shoe stores, and were bought in an attempt to replace an old, falling apart pair of summer sandals. Unfortunately I can't really rock a heel on a daily basis (though I'm starting to wish I could). Though as far as heels goes, these are pretty easy... and I ended up with the clarks I love since these didn't work for every day. So I do suppose it was a win win though I'm still sad about the demise of those old sandals.

Also the time is an hour off in that last photo... haha, whoops.

Anyway, time to pack up my clothes for work and be off. Hope to be doing some more blog reading and writing soon.

Regards,
Freddie

Disillusioned with Style

Lately I've been feeling rather disillusioned with style, or with my own style in particular. I feel like I just don't care that much about it these days. I can attribute this partially to the fact that half the time I leave the house I know I'm going to have to change for work - I'm waitressing at a Mexican restaurant (Diablo Royale Este) this summer and our uniform is the kind of torn up band shirt you probably thought was really cool and "punk" in middle school (or maybe that was just me?), black bottoms, and beat up converse -- my hand studded pair are serving me well here at least (remember when I really wanted black converse to put studs on? Well I finally did it and lived in them all semester in London).

I'll confess I am having a little fun with this uniform because in some ways it's like I'm putting on a costume - I get to be a slightly different person at work than I usually am. I mean, I would normally never wear anything like this out of the house (I generally wear something different and change when I get there, but I'm lazy with what I wear there because I do know I'm just going to change.) I suppose I could say it helps me get into "character." And I have a lot of fun chatting with people at tables in a way I don't think I could do in any other sort of situation.

Anyway, speaking of putting on a costume - I was also just in a show, yet another thing to have to change clothes for. It was a tiny, experimental project (the show was this past Thursday and one night only) but somehow we ended up in the New York Times! If you feel inspired to read about it, please be my guest.

That's me all nice and shiny in the back with the mask on.

So this stuff has kept me pretty busy which I suppose has contributed to a lot of quick throwing together of outfits as I run out the door in the morning (I spent a lot of last week out all day bouncing from rehearsal to work and having to carry multiple "costumes" with me at all times). I never would have thought that I, the girl who almost cried when she learned her job last summer required shorts (no skirts or dresses) and closed toed shoes, would this year self-impose a summer uniform of jean shorts and a tee, or maybe a flowy blouse when I'm feeling fancier. I mean, I sometimes dress like this even when going out, and in some ways it feels great, it's nice to not care so much, but at other times I'm just getting so bored with my wardrobe and my outfits.

I do finally have a great (and comfortable!!) pair of sandals though.

However, other than these, I've been doing very little shopping this summer - trying to save money and all that - which is, of course, contributing to my boredom. It has also been DISGUSTINGLY hot and humid the past few weeks -- though it's gotten much nicer over the past couple of days -- making comfort the top priority. I guess I'm just not sure what my style is anymore, and that's ok... but I do really want to get re-inspired. Maybe going back to school will help with that? There are only 3 weeks left of my long and somewhat lazy summer after all. I return to Ithaca for my final year (scary) on August 21st and I will confess I can't wait.

In other news, I thank those of you who expressed your concern and support after my last post. My aunt was in a terrible bike accident -- no one knows exactly what happened but she went over her handlebars going very quickly down a trail on a mountain or hill. She has been out of the critical stages for a little while now, and my mom who spent about two weeks at her side is now home, but she has aphasia and has a lot to re-learn - it will be a long road. However, wearing a helmet saved her life. So please, don't be too cool and fashionable to wear a helmet. I used to think I was and didn't wear one but never again. It's sad it took something like this for me to realize how silly my vanity was, but I just bought a pretty blue helmet from nutcasehelmets.com.

If you buy one today you can enter code "OPRAH" for 30% off! (haha, thanks Oprah!)

They also have some pretty adorable printed ones but they were out of my size in my favorites and I decided maybe I should get something that will still feel appropriate for me to wear in a couple of years? Though I may very well have ended up with one of these if they hadn't been sold out of the Small/Medium:

And I fully encourage purchase of a fun, colorful and silly helmet... as long as you wear one!

This girl also hand paints some really gorgeous head-protectors but they are a bit out of my current price range.

Anyway, I don't mean to preach, but long story short: do get a cool helmet, but don't be too cool for a helmet.

Maybe (probably) I'll do another bike related post at some point, but if you want some more bike candy for the time being, check out this shop.

So I suppose that's all for now on this odd two-topic post... I'm still here, floating about, and I suppose we'll see where the rest of the summer takes me fashion-wise. I do have a bit more free time now that my show is over, and I'm only working about 3-4 days a week. Perhaps I will allow myself to shop a little? We'll see.

Oh, also I got a hair-cut that I'm not thrilled with (it's about shoulder length now) ... yet another contribution to my current fashion blasé. But I know, I know, hair will grow.

Regards,
Freddie

The Nothing

It's about one moment
That moment you think you know where you stand
And in that one moment
The things that you're sure of slip from your hand
And you've got one second
To try to be clear, to try to stand tall
But nothing's the same
And the wind starts to blow
And oh you're suddenly a stranger
In some completely different land
And you thought you knew
But you didn't have a clue
That the surface sometimes cracks
To reveal the tracks
To a new world

-{Jason Robert Brown, Songs for A New World}

It takes one phone call, one facebook post, to break you. To rock you to the core. One minute you are smiling, annoyed because probably that's a telemarketer calling, the next your mom is on a plane to salt lake city.

You are upset. But you make a pizza you are proud of and drink some red wine even if maybe you got a little cork in the bottle and things are stable right now so it's all going to be ok.

Then the next morning, a note on facebook, and bam. Something completely different, and awful, all over again. Information is disseminated so quickly, and sometimes so impersonally these days. You can't control the way people learn things. Pages on the internet remain as shrines to the lost, immortalizing them after they are gone.

Did you ever watch The NeverEnding Story when you were little? It was one of my favorites. And I was always terrified of the Nothing.

But Bastian and Atreyu had wonderful and fuzzy friends.

And so do I.

And a brilliant new camera to capture them with. And some great not quite so fuzzy friends and family offering their support too.

And when the fear of The Nothing becomes paralyzingly close... like it is in danger of swallowing me up any second now, I try to remember what happeat the end of the story.

Bastian: Why is it so dark?
The Childlike Empress: In the beginning it is always dark.
Bastian: What is that?
The Childlike Empress: One grain of sand. It is all that remains of my vast empire.
Bastian: Fantasia has totally disappeared?
The Childlike Empress: Yes.
Bastian: Then everything has been in vain.
The Childlike Empress: No, it hasn't. Fantasia can arise in you. In your dreams and wishes Bastian.
Bastian: How?
The Childlike Empress: Open your hand. What will you wish for?
Bastian: I don't know.
The Childlike Empress: Then there will be no Fantasia anymore.
Bastian: How many wishes do I get?
The Childlike Empress: As many as you want. And the more wishes you make, the more magnificent Fantasia will become.
Bastian: Really?
The Childlike Empress: Try it.

-{The NeverEnding Story}

I try to remember that the Nothing doesn't have to mean the end. It can also mean the beginning.

Regards,
Freddie

{Pizza and Kitten picture taken by me on my new Digital SLR}

What Daddies Do Best

So I was getting all ready to post pictures from my London show -- Metamorphosis -- and then realized, it's Father's Day! I should do a Father's Day post... a Father's Day flashback post to be precise!


{Daddy and I: same chair, different places}


{Every Saturday morning we would have Daddy play-time.
Sometimes we went to the park... sometimes we played shop
and made up lots of silly characters, like "Mrs. Fall"}



"I believe that you are, and always will be...my little princess."
-Captain Crewe, Frances Hodgson Burnett's A Little Princess

And can't forget Grandpa in a Father's Day Post!



Even if he does spend a lot of time lounging around...



HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Oh and one more... sorry Dad, I just could resist ;)

Regards,
Freddie

A garden. I've stolen a garden.

Today I accidentally discovered a beautiful little garden between Avenues A and B.



"One of the strange things about living in the world is that it is only now and then one is quite sure one is going to live forever and ever and ever. One knows it sometimes when one gets up at the tender solemn dawn-time and goes out and stands alone and throws one's head far back and looks up and up and watches the pale sky slowly changing and flushing and marvelous unknown things happening until the East almost makes one cry out and one's heart stands still at the strange unchanging majesty of the rising of the sun—which has been happening every morning for thousands and thousands and thousands of years. One knows it then for a moment or so...And it was like that with Colin when he first saw and heard and felt the Springtime inside the four high walls of a hidden garden. That afternoon the whole world seemed to devote itself to being perfect and radiantly beautiful and kind to one boy. Perhaps out of pure heavenly goodness the spring came and crowned everything it possibly could into that one place."

-- The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett



{target t-shirt, cardigan and scarf, old navy skirt, second hand belt, keds}

Today was full of a lot of little city adventures - some as a part of my first day of NYC tour-guide training and some, like the garden, on my own. I also learned how to properly pour beer from a tap.

This past weekend was spent enjoying (mostly) lovely weather in the Berkshires where I got to drive my "new" Volvo which will be coming up to school with me in the fall.

Sarah Ruhl's Passion Play was the highlight of last week. It was a truly epic, moving, creative piece. Backstage gives a nice review. I got to see it the evening of the post show discussion and so I also got to meet Ms. Ruhl herself and get all starry eyed and tell her she was my favorite playwright (true) while she signed my playbill ;)

The photos from the show I was in in London (an adaptation of Kafka's Metamorphosis) also arrived. They are pretty sweet if I do say so myself. Perhaps I will share some soon.

Regards,
Freddie

Oh hi.

Anyone remember me? No. That's ok. In fact, maybe that's good. It's been a while, but I keep writing blog posts in my head. Funny because they always come out really well when I'm walking down the street or on a bus or plane or train (which I seem to have been doing a lot of lately) but when I sit down to write they're pretty shit. But that's ok. I still want to write. I guess it has something to do with what a wise Brit told me not too long ago. In a BADA masterclass, Kelly (I'm too old to play Goneril but am still a bomb actress) Hunter said: you have to stay creative. This business [acting] can drain you and it's so important that you stay creative, no matter what you do: whether you write, or paint, or sew, stay creative for yourself. And that's what I want to do.

By the way I totally did not pick up all this Britishisms living overseas. I've just been watching too much Skins since I got home. Do you ever find that when you've been reading/watching or whatever something a lot you starting talking, writing and even thinking in their style. Like after reading Shakespeare I start to think in Shakespeare language. And sometimes even in verse after Moliere. Just me? Ok.

Anyway, I've been a lot of places these past few months:

London


Rome


Florence


Venice


Paris


Cambridge


Bruges


Brussels


Ghent


Amsterdam


Antwerp


New York City

Ithaca

Evanston

Chicago


(Eyjafjallajoekull caused an unfortunate bypass of Madrid, Barcelona, and Copenhagen)

And seen a shit-ton of theater (some amazing and some not so):
Twelfth Night
Nation
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (with James Earl Jones)
Licking Wounds
Every Good Boy Deserves Favor
The Misanthrope (with Keira Knightley)
The Caretaker
Waiting for Godot (with Sir Ian Mckellen)
Red
Greta Garbo Came to Donegal
The Habit of Art
Jerusalem (with Mark Rylance)
Dunsinane
A Midsummer Night's Dream (with Dame Judi Dench)
Money
King Lear (with Greg Hicks)
Taming of the Flu (at Second City)

{I could expound open these for ages but I kept a journal for that in London and it's late and the list is long. Therefore I will refrain}

But, anyway, I think I've spent a lot of my time, especially since term ended, running away. Yeah, I learned a lot over there, about acting and about myself, and I'm happy to say that I am more confidant and comfortable with who I am, or at least moving in that direction, and I don't know if that would have happened without going abroad, but, since April 15th, I've been facing something terrifying looming ahead of me: an empty summer. I have never in my life had an empty, unplanned summer. There was always summer camp, or internships, or at least a steady babysitting job and some classes all set up for me to do before school was even out. Sure, I would get a little vacation time, but there was always something waiting on the other side. Granted, unlike my many recently graduated friends, I do have school -- one final year -- waiting for me at the end of August, but I have four, now three, empty months of summer in between. Sure in some ways I used the last month productively, but it was always with a clause of going away for the weekend which somehow prevented me from planning anything permenant. I've been away 3 out of 4 weekends so far and am gone this next weekend too. Then I have jury duty... and then, what? I suppose in many ways my summer is filling up as it goes. I have thus far managed a few auditions (which nothing came of of course) and bartending school among plenty of fun times with friends. But to look at my calander and see it almost completely empty beginning in mid-June is frightening. Perhaps because it is giving me a glipse of what things may look like next summer, when it is all for real. Because, if I don't actually find a job or something useful to do with myself this summer, it's not such a big deal afterall. If I don't next summer... then what? I suppose it is good that I am having this realization now. Getting a practice run for the real world. But it still scares me.

Point being, or at least one of them, that one of the ways I want to fill this great void is with creativity. Because I have a need to make things. I have a need to make blank spaces full. On my calander, on a page or computer screen, whatever. Even if it's crap, it's crap that I made. I have these need to feel like when the day is done, I've left something behind. And the only way to do that is to create.

Aside, when you're busy being scared about voids and other things of that matter it sometimes helps to have two new kittens to curl up with and make you feel comfortable and unconditionally loved.

{Darwin and Orwell}

And that's a fact.

So here's to a summer of creativity, kittens, and maybe a few more episodes of Skins every now and then.

Cheers.
Freddie