Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Nothing

It's about one moment
That moment you think you know where you stand
And in that one moment
The things that you're sure of slip from your hand
And you've got one second
To try to be clear, to try to stand tall
But nothing's the same
And the wind starts to blow
And oh you're suddenly a stranger
In some completely different land
And you thought you knew
But you didn't have a clue
That the surface sometimes cracks
To reveal the tracks
To a new world

-{Jason Robert Brown, Songs for A New World}

It takes one phone call, one facebook post, to break you. To rock you to the core. One minute you are smiling, annoyed because probably that's a telemarketer calling, the next your mom is on a plane to salt lake city.

You are upset. But you make a pizza you are proud of and drink some red wine even if maybe you got a little cork in the bottle and things are stable right now so it's all going to be ok.

Then the next morning, a note on facebook, and bam. Something completely different, and awful, all over again. Information is disseminated so quickly, and sometimes so impersonally these days. You can't control the way people learn things. Pages on the internet remain as shrines to the lost, immortalizing them after they are gone.

Did you ever watch The NeverEnding Story when you were little? It was one of my favorites. And I was always terrified of the Nothing.

But Bastian and Atreyu had wonderful and fuzzy friends.

And so do I.

And a brilliant new camera to capture them with. And some great not quite so fuzzy friends and family offering their support too.

And when the fear of The Nothing becomes paralyzingly close... like it is in danger of swallowing me up any second now, I try to remember what happeat the end of the story.

Bastian: Why is it so dark?
The Childlike Empress: In the beginning it is always dark.
Bastian: What is that?
The Childlike Empress: One grain of sand. It is all that remains of my vast empire.
Bastian: Fantasia has totally disappeared?
The Childlike Empress: Yes.
Bastian: Then everything has been in vain.
The Childlike Empress: No, it hasn't. Fantasia can arise in you. In your dreams and wishes Bastian.
Bastian: How?
The Childlike Empress: Open your hand. What will you wish for?
Bastian: I don't know.
The Childlike Empress: Then there will be no Fantasia anymore.
Bastian: How many wishes do I get?
The Childlike Empress: As many as you want. And the more wishes you make, the more magnificent Fantasia will become.
Bastian: Really?
The Childlike Empress: Try it.

-{The NeverEnding Story}

I try to remember that the Nothing doesn't have to mean the end. It can also mean the beginning.


{Pizza and Kitten picture taken by me on my new Digital SLR}